Gay singers: 'Idol' play things

"American Idol" is a show that has always had a conflicted relationship with the gays — like the curious straight guy who wanders into an adult-store glory hole booth excited and giddy and, 10 minutes later, rushes out quickly, silently, shamed.

No doubt a good percentage of the show's younger male viewers enjoy dual fantasies. One involves a large cock invading their throats. The other is even more masturbatory — a shower of confetti enveloping them in the season finale of the talent contest, their "I Make You Proud" anthem blaring; they tune in to pamper their often deluded faggot dreams of being stars and pump up the ratings.

But what has the show given back? Well, homophobic banter between Ryan and Simon; a parade of ridiculed homos in the audition rounds to be mocked by the average viewer; contestants who came out (Jim Verraros, RJ Helton, Anwar Robinson), but only after their seasons were off the air and they were rendered culturally and financially irrelevant; rumors still swirl about others who may have a measure of success left in them (Clay! Mario Vasquez).

But the last couple of seasons provoked a backlash from gay rights groups (particularly for the derision of contestants who would sound better if they were "singing in a dress" and the lame gay panic jokes between Simon and closet case Ryan), and the producers seem to have decided they have to do something to prove they're not hateful without alienating their core viewers: America's heartland families and tween girls who buy posters of these effeminate singing males.

It's interesting how that dynamic is playing out this season on the show. Past gay contestants said they were "encouraged" not to mention their sexual orientation on the air, and that rule seems to be in effect still. But, for the first time, there have been serious contenders who have left no question which team they play on (including jokes about being the family's "homecoming queen" and self-styled comparisons to lesbian talk show personalities).

Gay Elvis was in the house Tuesday night for the opening round for men.

Danny "Snap it girl!" Noriega — who, not so ironically, sang "Proud Mary" in his first audition — shows his fabulous sass after Simon ridicules his criminal performance of "Jailhouse Rock" ...

Jailhouse Rock

From bad to equally bad, it's Colton "self-confessed Ellen DeGeneres lookalike" Berry butchering "Suspicious Minds" ...

Suspicious Minds

On Thursday, results night, American voters showed a modicum of good taste (unseen since they elected Bill Clinton president) to send home Colton Berry, who will have to settle for an alternative occupation as an Ellen DeGeneres impersonator. Danny Noriega lives to mince another day.

But it's interesting that these two flamers (taking on such a masculine icon, no less) got so far; in years past, they wouldn't have gotten past Hollywood Week. But their purpose is twofold — they're PC cannon fodder (see results night), horribly mediocre and flamboyant ("Hey we put on the homos, and the people voted them off. We tried!") They'll prove their worth without breaking the Top 12. The second role they play is brilliant deflection for the talented closet queer of the bunch, David Archuleta.

I'm pretty convinced this dude is homosexual — from his youthfully diva take on "And I'm Telling You" to his first taste of music being a video of a "Les Miserables" performance to his musical references to his somewhat effeminate tendencies (more so when he gets excited) — but he's also talented and very marketable to that core audience. On top of this, he comes from a Mormon-Hispanic background (two groups not exactly known for joining pride marches). He may not even be out to those closest to him (or he play off some "confusion"), but it seems like his producers are worried enough about the mere perception, and handlers have gone into overdrive to secure his tenuous masculine footing — the same way they have in years past to protect the image of contestants of questionable orientation.

There's lots of talk on the Internet about David's orientation, and on several message boards I saw an "acquaintance" of the family was always quick to point out that he knew David, that he may come off as gay but that he's completely hetero, and homosexuality isn't a part of Mormonism (I went to send these people a copy of "Latter Days"). The tone of these postings suggests the uniformity of a PR campaign. Tuesday night's choice — if he indeed chose it — was a safe song (Smoky Robinson's "Shop Around") that talked about seeking love with girls, many girls (it's a defense for being a playa). I had the feeling he would have rather chosen a Streisand song if he had his own druthers. The most interesting part of the night is when Ryan took pains to point out that the girls love him (and he loves that the girls love him) even when they flirted like a painfully in love high school couple during the post-song chat. Ryan even found a way to get touchy-feely.

Shop Around

Interview

Some may wonder why I've spent so many words to ponder such an inert, trivial show (though it is trashy fun). But it is the most popular one on television and appeals to that odd crossover demographic of Kansas Wal-Mart families and young homosexuals. On more important scale, this season may be how the former learns more — and, by extension, reshapes or hardens any positions — about the latter. The impression that these gay contestants make could alter or confirm the way these heartland Republicans view gays (think of the effect on the zeitgeist from a couple of sympathetic characters in "Brokeback Mountain," and that was fiction).

I'm sure these heartland viewers can imagine Danny Noriega in a dog collar, being urinated on in a gay S&M dungeon (it's probably the first thing those perverts think of), but imagine how shocking, enlightening and mind-changing it could be for them to know that sweet, cute, talented little David Archuleta enjoys taking it up the ass.