Mr. Cook should have long been sent packing with his sister in hideous voice, Kristy Lee, but the powers-that-be see dollar signs in his Daughtry-like stylings of mediocre emo rock numbers. On Tuesday, they gifted him with the night's best song, "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" (which Ryan attributed to Chaka Khan instead of Roberta Flack; if anyone on the show had any musical knowledge, they'd have mentioned it was first written and sung by Ewan MacColl) and an orchestra to back him on the bombastic "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing," a hideous yet popular song.
David Archuleta and No. 3-finisher Syesha Mercado, on the other hand, got scraps from Billy Joel and an animated film about penguins. The producers wouldn't even let Little David change the arrangement on the obscure, treacly number "Longer." D-Archie wanted "Longer" harder, bigger and uncut, but they made him settle for the musical equivalent of a diseased vagina. He still managed to bring a beautiful a cappella opening to Joel's "So It Goes" that made it the performance of the night.
A rare misstep for D-Archie was his decision to do a modern R&B song about his beloved "boo" — dedicated no doubt to his "camping buddy" in the audience. It's actually a really funny story because Archie was telling his sleeping-bag mate a ghost story around the campfire one night when they were out in his dad's backyard. It was a Mormon ghost story, so the only people who suffered gratuitous violence were non-believers and sexual reprobates. David tells his buddy about an abortionist whose soul is captured by Satan — he actually reads it from a LDS pamphlet — and totally freaks his cutie friend out. When he's shivering, David jumps at him and yells "BOO!" really loud. The friend is so scared, Archie has to hold him tight in his sleeping bag all night to calm his nerves. After that, it's their private little in-joke (or an in-and-out joke as the occasion permits) when Archie sings about his boo.
For her part, Syesha came in second for the night — even with her penguin number. If that was decidedly child-centric and her first number, a soundalike take on Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You," was youthful, her sensual take on the Peggy Lee classic "Fever," was certainly the adult number of the night. It wasn't as good as Paris Bennett's more intriguing take from a couple Idol seasons back, but it was better than the cabaret act Simon dismissed it as.
Cook did his usual crap and was hailed the winner of the night — including an execrable number he chose himself for the second round. Unfortunately, it seems like the producers are firmly in his corner and want him to come out on top, leaving poor D-Archie biting the pillow again. But, let us rally the homosexuals and the tweens and the granmas and the Mormons and the Latinos and fans of socially responsible ballads unite and help Archie show a bit of versatility so that he might stand proud (and erect, let us hope) at center stage and be crowned champion (with a pretty tiara, he hopes).
Let Goliath go back to singing at bars and bar mitzvahs.
The roundup of grades:
D-Archie
So It Goes: A-
With You: C+
Longer: B-
Syesha Mercado
If I Ain't Got You: B
Fever: B
Hit Me Up: C-
David Cook
First Time Ever I Saw Your Face: C+
Dare You To Move: D-
I Don't Want To Miss a Thing: D+
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