What Would You Do If He Sang Out of Tune?

... Would you stand up and walk out on David Archuleta? I doubt you would. Left silent is what place and act you would be standing up from. Pervert.

Well, to keep this train of thought going, what if David — aka Chosen David — also forgot the lyrics 10 seconds into "We Can Work It Out" on Beatles Night of "American Idol"? He could certainly have used a little help from his friends at that point (you know they were silently celebrating backstage), but I'm not ready to concede front-runner status from Chosen David just yet. It does seem more like a contest and less like a 12-week march to victory now. Of course, Wednesday night's group performance will no doubt highlight the aforementioned spirit of camraderie with "A Little Help From My Friends." 

Let's also hope that he then dances over to his other namesake — Stripper David — for a duet on "Come Together," plus a medley of "A Taste of Honey," "Long Long Long" and, if it is indeed long (as a job in the adult erotic dancing industry would suggest), "Fixing a Hole."

That's tomorrow. We didn't have any "Yesterday," thank the musical gods. As far as tonight ... To quote another Beatles' song title: Oh! Darling.

This wasn't how the Top 12 was supposed to open. David's pimp spot on Lenin-McCartney night was meant to sell him like a irresistible little whore to the American people. Well, the whore was suffering from a touch of VD, but it's nothing a good dose of penicillin won't clear up by next week, the whore a bit wiser. I hope it will be a lesson to David that he can't coast. What I found shocking was his seeming unfamiliarity with The Beatles. Is this the same singer who shined on John Lennon's "Imagine" just two weeks ago? I was hoping for something of similar tone — "In My Life," maybe even "Here, There and Everywhere." But he seemed lost and decided to make it Stevie Wonder night instead by selecting to cover the hit soul version of "We Can Work It Out." At least he copped to this performance. Syesha seemed agitated when Randy pointed out that her decidedly average performance of "Gotta Get You Into My Life" was based on the Earth, Wind and Fire version.

There's something odd about covering another cover of a song. It seems like one should take the tack of the original and sing it well or do something truly inspired with it. Thus, the performances broke down three ways:

1. Contestants who covered other covers, such as Chosen David and Syesha.

2. Contestants who took a relatively faithful approach to the song.

3. Contestants who tried to "make it their own," in Paula parlance.

Success in the second category depends on the song, the purity of the singer and the amount of feeling he or she invests in the song. Brooke's take on "Let It Be" worked beautifully, her emotionally pure voice and classy turn at the piano complementing the wholesomeness and optimism of the song.

In contrast, Ramiele's take on "In My Life," which is my favorite Beatles song, seemed technically competent but lacking in emotion. She actually dedicated it to the "Idol" contestants who have been lost along the way (Who's the dead one? Is it Colton Berry?). If this rote rendition were offered late at night in a cocktail bar, with a drink in hand, I would have enjoyed it. But with the focus on her voice it was boring — as the judges mentioned 10 or 12 times. Sorry, Ramiele, I was only sleeping.

I do have to take issue with a suggestion by Simon, aka Mean Mr. Mustard, that it was the song itself that was boring and a dreary selection. Yes, "In My Life" is a rueful, meditative song, but it's also one of the most beautiful in the songwriting canon (Mojo picked it as No. 1 in its recent list of the greatest songs of all time and Rolling Stone thought highly enough to rank it No. 23 on its list).

The other contestants who took a relatively faithful approach — Michael Johns with "Across the Universe," Jason Castro with "If I Fell" and Carly Smithson with "Come Together" — did solid, if unspectacular work on the "Idol" stage.

The biggest risks came with those contestants who decided to infuse their own flavor (for better or worse) into the classic compositions — by way of country, Southern blues, emo rock, some sort of folk-soul mishmash. Talks about twists and shouting.

The problem is that you can't just take a song and translate it to another genre without first examining its lyrical message and tone. Kristy Lee Cook, darling, just because the judges told you last week they liked your voice with a country inflection does not give you the creative license to transport the literate, British class act of Lenin-McCartney to a Wal-Mart parking-lot honky tonk in Alabama. "Eight Days a Week" is still not copious time in the calendar to endure to such ear poison.

Similarly, Stripper David needed to peel off some of the layers he bundled onto the usual melodic gem "I Saw Her Standing There." And the feminine pronoun isn't fooling anyone, dude. Speaking of females, Chikezie (just one name — like he's already Madonna, or at least Mandisa) fared slightly better on a bizarre "She's a Woman." The song started off with a flash of banjo-laced Americana and moved into soul-rock territory. It almost worked for me until I had to witness Chikezie's pompous victory dance with an overeager Ryan. It reminded me of what I've always thought about Chikezie: His unjustified arrogance.

The only reinvention of the night that thoroughly worked for me was Amanda Overmyer's boozy Southern rock-blues assault on "You Can't Do That." It's not one of the greatest Beatles songs, and so the spin doesn't it hurt it much. Furthermore, the lyrics of the song complement the attitude Amanda brings to it. Simon was right when he declared her a "breath of fresh air" — albeit the breath of a righteously angry two-packs-a-day smoker. In the interviews, her measured, unassuming demeanor, too, is a wonderful contrast to the self-congratulatory posturing of Chikezie and Bad Hair David.

Speaking of that horrid head of hair and the ego beneath, Bad Hair David gave the worst performance of the night — one whose hideousness was seemingly commensurate with the amount of praise heaped on it by the judges. Again, it comes down to the lyrics. "Eleanor Rigby" is indeed a song about loneliness, but it's not the loneliness of a petulant, angst-ridden youth. It's obvious why Bad Hair David might think the refrain "Ah, all the lonely people" would make this the song to transmute into one of his wretched emo rock anthems. But the loneliness is decidedly middle age and beyond — "darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there." Does Bad Hair David enjoy a bit of knitting after his Scrabble games? It's a song of maturity and restraint, not whiny screeching.

I'm sorry, BH David, but I doubt I'll love you when you're 64, either. Unfortunately, the judges' insane praise will no doubt have him coming back for weeks to mope until he's finally able to sing an emo-lite version of "The Saddest Song I've Got" by Annie Lennox. As far as who will go home, I'm thinking it will be Kristy Lee Cook unless all the mentions of the word boring doomed poor Ramiele. Tomorrow will know.

GRADING THE CONTESTANTS

A- Brooke White, "Let It Be"

B+ Amanda Overmyer, "You Can't Do That"

B+ Carly Smithson, "Come Together"

B Jason Castro, "If I Fell"

B- Michael Johns, "All Across the Universe"

B- Chikezie, "She's a Woman"

C+ David Archuleta, "We Can Work It Out"

C Ramiele Mulabay, "In My Life"

C Syesha Mercado, "Gotta Get You Into My Life"

C- David Hernandez, "I Saw Her Standing There"

D Kristy Lee Cook, "Eight Days a Week"

D- David Cook, "Eleanor Rigby"