It was all an odd to conclude David's performance on a night of inspirational songs. Of course, it was a bit of an odd beginning, too, as Ryan Seacrest kicked off his introduction of David's song by talking about money from Wednesday night's "Idol Gives Back" program going to HIV/AIDS research and then sending the camera over to David as if to say to the audience: "You don't want cute little David to die a horrible, lesion-plagued death after he contracts a fatal disease partaking in receptive bareback gay sex in a dirty bathhouse, do you?" I wouldn't have been surprised if Ryan had pulled out a condom and tried to give a safe sex lecture while David held a cucumber — though we all know Mr. Seacrest would rather be handling the fruit and not the vegetable.
As for the actual performance, it was excellent as usual. He was covering Robbie Williams' "Angels," which is a sly recognition of David's fan base, the Arch Angels, who will see themselves in the song — and see themselves in David, literally — with lyrics such as "I'm Loving Angels Instead." Everyone wants a piece of David, but does David find some inspiration — and perspiration — in the song's originator? After all, Robbie Williams is an attractive, masculine man who can easily be seen nude on the Internet.
Did David Google those images and use them as inspiration for a one-man show? Only his neighbors know for sure — he gets loud when he "practices" late at night. No wonder Paula thinks he looks like a coked-up trucker on an all-night multi-state haul. She wants him to lay his body down and so do some of his loyal fans. "Idol Gives Back," but does David give head? One hopes Bono and the do-gooders will get to the bottom of the question tomorrow night.
For tonight, David earns his A. Here's how the rest of the show broke down (sometimes quite literally) ...
Jason Castro: He picked the best song of the night with "Over the Rainbow." He's not a friend of Dorothy, per se, but he is a friend of Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, the late Hawaiian singer who reinvented the song quite beautifully as a ukulele medley with "What a Wonderful World." Jason keeps the haunting tone of that performance and gives his best performance since "Hallelujah" week. Those performances show what's lacking in the bombast and bluster of most "Idol" performances — a good song sung with feeling, even if it's sung with subtlety. A
Brooke White: It's a big drop-off in quality from David and Jason to the rest of the field. Brooke keeps things simple with a Carole King standard, which is predictable and right up her alley and quite pleasant, as Simon pointed out. Pleasant is enough, though. B-
Michael Johns: Dream on, Mr. Johns. You're not a rock star. I guess I should be happy he went with this Aerosmith standard and not that eternally horrid "Armageddon" song. Paula's remark that he sounded as good as he looked is hardly a resounding compliment of his looks this week, but — along with the David Archuleta tease — I give Paula slut points this week. C+
Syesha Mercado: "Idol" rule No. 1 — and it should be posted on stage behind the contestants — is that a one should never perform a song originated by a former contestant. Rule No. 2 should be that if one does undertake such idiocy, he or she should not have the gall to recoil at comparisons to the original performance as Syesha did tonight on the Fantasia anthem "I Believe." If it was a horrible song when Fantasia, who's a better singer, did it, it's safe to say it fared no better here. C
Carly Smithson: If this whole "Idol" thing doesn't work out, perhaps Carly and Michael Johns can start a Queen tribute band with all the covers trotted out this season on "Idol." But this one isn't nearly as good as Michael's "We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions" medley, which at least had some stamina and an undercurrent of homoeroticism to it. This is, in fact, Carly's worst performance. The show might not go on for this Irish songbird come Thursday's result show, though I'd much rather see one of the Cooks go, as usual. C
Kristy Lee Cook: More country pandering with Martina McBride so I'm afraid she'll be safe (especially after the judges' inexplicable praise). Her song selection has been shrewd the past few weeks to keep her in the contest, but her talent has always been in short supply. C-
David Cook: Once again, Bad-Hair David takes the last spot for his take on "Innocent" by Our Lady of Peace, which he calls his favorite band and which explains so much. Even the judges hated this pompous ear poison, which means it must have sucked more ass than usual — and not in that lovely David Archuleta rim-job way. It was the bad kind of masturbation, in fact. "Innocent"? No, no, guilty as charged — off with his head come. Sentence should be carried out this Thursday. D-
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