Only You Could Save Me (Poem)

ONLY YOU COULD SAVE ME

Jesus Christ, won't you look at me
and deign to leave your cross?
Come down to this apartment house
and show this bitch who's boss.
Take her hands right off of me
and place them on a gun.
Advise she press it to her head
and watch her lifeblood run.
Then tell my dad I'm not a queer;
I sucked one cock, it's true —
but it was his half-hard piece of meat,
the only father figure I knew.

And Lord, I've felt this Bible belt
and the pages filled with wrath —
One man and one woman
the only lessons learned of math.
One night, I stole an OxyContin pill
and Morpheus brought a dream.
You were there, a pillow in hand,
to mute my final scream.
It wasn't nightmare I suffered through
of a life that could never be —
Just a lovely thought of nothing more,
each morn a mourning reverie.

But I have anger living in this blood
even death cannot abscond with,
And so your love and grace and mercy —
they all remain just a fond myth.
Jesus Christ, I give up on you,
but I'll still cry your name in vain,
in hopes that a drug or some delusion
might just take away my pain.
It was my mother who in her drink
cursed the good name she gave me,
and cast me out unto the world
and said only you could save me.