Well, take a look at the songs ... "Coat of Many Colors," "Jolene," "In the Good Old Days (When Times Were Bad)," "The Bargain Store," "To Daddy," "Touch Your Woman" (known as a horror song in the gay community).
This woman can write a hell of a tune and then sing it in heavenly fashion (maybe that's why she called a recent album "Halos and Horns"), bring a strong man to tears with a sad song and lift a drag queen's spirits with a joyous ode and tacky dress.
On Tuesday night's "American Idol," the contestants generally did good by her, if not spectacular. Here's a rundown:
David Archuleta: Made me forget he's a Mormon from Utah with his tender, touching "Smoky Mountain Memories." A-
Carly Smithson: A nice twist on "Here You Come Again." And what did she get from the judges? Simon told her to fire her stylist. B+
Michael Johns: If I'm still not blown away, his take on ''It's All Wrong, but It's All Right" is still his best vocal to date. B+
Jason Castro: He picked "Travelin' Thru," the Oscar-nominate song from the trannie-across-America movie "Transamerica." It worked out nicely. Imagine what a drag queen could do with that hair. B
Syesha Mercado: I was fearing Syesha would fall into the "I Will Always Love You" trap and I was half-right. When she stuck to the Dolly arrangement, she came close to her understated take on The Beatles' yesterday. When she switched to the Whitney Houston, she was — as Simon called it — a pale comparison of the original, even if the original was just an overblown facsimile of the true original. B-
Brooke White: Her "Jolene" was oddly underwhelming. It seemed like a song that was a good fit, but the smily demeanor seemed to belie the pain in the lyrics of one of Parton's best songs. At least this one didn't go to David Cook; I was fearing a cover of the White Stripes' version. C+
Kristy Lee Cook: She got the song I consider the most touching in Parton's songbook, "Coat of Many Colors" and proceeded to drain the emotion of it. This is someone who had to give up her show horse to try out for the show. It's not quite the same as a mother who toiled to dress her daughter in quilting scraps. I wish KLC would have gone for "Dumb Blonde" or "Just Because I'm a Woman." At least we could have laughed at the irony. C-
David Cook: He didn't have any emo-rock covers to repurpose this week so he had to create his own — as he proudly announced. An emo-rock version of "Little Sparrow"? Bird-brained, like the others. D+
Ramiele Mulabay: What did she sing again? I can't even remember and I'm not going to go look it up. Dreadful and forgettable. D
I'm hoping Ramiele joins the two Cooks and goes home on Wednesday. As horrible as the Bad Cooks are, there's some joy to be found in their vocal atrocities (at least for another week or two). Ramiele, while perhaps a better singer, is just plain boring, and that's probably the worse sin when the mentor is as colorful as Dolly. I'll leave you with some words of wisdom from the woman herself ...
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